Missing Pepper

 

 

Tonight I'm in a lot of pain... I'm so used to Pepper by my side. He's always either hung out with me - right beside me or in bed and I run back there to check on him. I don't have that right now and it's killing me. The hole in my heart is big and only pain fills it right now. I knew I was going to miss him when the decision was made today to put him to sleep - but that had to be... I know it but it still hurts like hell. As it grows darker outside the more pain I'm in -- he's usually right on the desk right by my side at this time... and that will not happen anymore. Forgive me if I'm not myself for the next few days...

Tonight my heart is broken to pieces.



Edit:

The pain is worse -- Honey came in looking for Pepper as usual... he's not here anymore to lick the girl's heads. Nut was looking for him too..... That little boy not only stayed by my side, he used to help my girls by licking their heads as they wanted him too. He was the sweetest little cat.

It's just 3 females here now.. me and my two girls... they are looking for him ... and it makes me miss him even more.


Edit: What killing me right now - the last thing Pepper ate was one of the special Christmas foods I bought them... his last meal was his favorite. I opened the one package of it early for him because he was feeling bad but wanted to eat. Then I had to put him down... I feel like I said "Merry Last Christmas Pepper" - (feels like I gave him a F*U right now) - it was never intended to be that way when I fed him that today.... I feel like a heel even though I know putting him down was for the best - vet felt like it was the best thing I could ever do for him. I'm feeling as if I betrayed my best friend right now... even though I know it was for the best (as the vet said).

There was no way he was going to make it until Christmas.... the vet said by next week he would have been twice as bloated and breathing much, much worse. Yet I still feel as if I betrayed him.